One of the most common responses in a therapy session that I hear is “I just don’t feel like it.” This could be in response to activities that are meant to enhance overall health and well-being such as eating healthy, getting out of bed on time and starting our day, exercising, following through deadlines, finishing chores, staying connected with our loved ones, socializing, communicating with empathy, fixing a chronic, long standing problem, and the list could go on.

“I just don’t feel like it.”
“I don’t have the energy to engage.”
“What’s the point of doing this XYZ thing?”

These responses have a whiff of sadness to them, which oftentimes signal the beginning of the spiral towards clinical depression even, or actually being stuck in the thick quicksand of misery and apathy. Here's what tends to happen: The more we stay in the rut of “I don’t feel like it,” the more the sadness perpetuates. I am here to tell you act in the exact opposite way to feel better. But first, I have to tell you why I am suggesting this.

Strong emotions are associated with urges; for example, when feeling stressed or depressed, one has the urge to escape life, avoid people, stay in bed, not face the world, often also not engaging in good self care. It just feels like the right thing to do, even though the rational mind lurking behind the scenes is screaming that acting this way is often not in one’s best interest. Research has also pointed out that acting out on emotionally charged urges adds fuel to the fire and strengthens the emotion rather than lessening it. Here’s why this double whammy happens. When acting often unreasonably, based on our impulses, we are moving away from our internal compass which stores our values and morals, our sense of cohesive self that we would like to uphold. But because our emotions and resulting urges are in the driving seat they tend to trigger secondary distressing emotions and thoughts that may be replete with guilt, self-criticism, and a further weakening sense of self.

The more we respond in a certain way, the more likely it is to repeat, becoming a pattern. My range of responses to stress could vary from going for a run, to sit in silence and process the situation that I am confronted with, to problem solve, or in some rare cases, to take a nap, or watch OTT, or indulge in some emotional eating, ice cream being my go to food. Our behaviors may be different at different times, but what is understood is that a typical way of responding becomes hard wired and becomes a knee jerk impulse, which often does more harm than good

How do we move past the “I don’t feel like doing this” roadblock that comes in the way of our well-being? By learning to act contrary to the urges and move from a maladaptive reaction to an adaptive one. Sounds simple, yet the motivation to do this needs to be high and the one way to bring that up is by asking if the urge riddled reactions are working for you. More specifically, “Will choosing the opposite action bring me peace and happiness?”  

I always like building awareness and understanding first so let’s look at a list of common reactions to emotions and ways of choosing the opposite, more adaptive response. This following activity is created by Drs. Lucinda Poole and Hugo Alberts which they have further adapted from Williams and Kraft’s (2012) “Choosing the Opposite Reaction.” These authors are credited here for their work.

Are there situations in your life where you are feeling stuck, far removed from your inner compass, values, and preferred ways of functioning which is adding to your despair, or simply making life seem chaotic, unpredictable, and messy? These situations could be in the areas of work, relationships, personal health and development, recreation, overall well being, or even the smallest of things that could take you away from your goals (Like a new season of my favorite show coming by and delaying completing this blog 😉. I learnt valuable lessons on staying on track and watching OTT only when my list of tasks for the day were completed)

Think of five (or more situations) and document what is going on at a feeling or emotional level as a result of being “stuck” or distracted, what your usual knee jerk, keeping-you-in-your-comfort-zone reaction and outcome is, and if you are feeling ready and courageous enough, then what the outcome of the opposite, more adaptive response would be.

Your reflections would look something like this, by tracking your insights on the following:

1. The life situation (work, relationships, health, recreation, personal development etc.):
2. Feelings and emotions experienced in the life situations:
3. Usual response and outcome:
4. Opposite reaction and likely result/outcome:
5. Insights gained:

Remember though, that whenever you look at a life situation, it is important to consider both responses and choose the opposite ONLY if it is the best course of action. So remember to ask yourself: Will choosing the opposite action bring about a positive outcome? Don’t fall prey to doing the hard work and end up justifying why the opposite reaction may not be most preferred. I see this a lot in the area of health and well-being. Knowing that exercise and eating healthy will bring a favorable outcome but because it is hard work and involves eating unhealthy food in moderation, and stepping out to work out, people will justify the status quo and continue to perpetuate their misery in another form.

Choosing the opposite responses will enable us to take charge of our lives, build our self-confidence, lead us to the life that we have set a vision for, and add to our happiness quotient.

Give it a shot, will you? 😊