I recently shopped for a few pictures to adorn my clinic wall. Pictures with words that hold meaning to what I truly believe in. And I didn’t realize that when I would unpack from my travels today, these set of four pictures would inspire me to write about this important question that has emerged through many conversations with individuals in my clinical practice. The one on the meaning and purpose of life.

Almost everything makes no sense to them, every day is just one more day gone by, waiting in anticipation for what, they don’t know. Such is the depth of despair they feel, that life, for whatever it’s worth (or not), holds nothing of value to them.

They feel they are in a daze, a blur, a fog, an inertia, that they have lost touch not just with people, their environment, but most importantly with themselves.

“I feel empty inside. I see no worth in me.”
“I don’t like myself, and you, Divya, ask me if I love myself?”
“I wish I could end this life, but I don’t have the courage. I wish I could live it meaningfully instead.”

But yet they do ask, “Why Am I Here?”
“How is it that people I know find value and meaning in their lives, and I can barely get out of bed, let alone know what I want from life?”

Before coming to see me, their paths would have crossed with mental health professionals or alternative medicine practitioners, who typically label them “depressed,” prescribe mood elevating drugs, or would suggest yoga and any physical exercise as mere treatment plans, without addressing the wounded soul, without listening to what they have to say, without hearing their silent screams and being there for them, in their moments of utter hopelessness, by being truly attentive to each word and expression, to try and make sense of it all.

And so, that feeling of being completely lost and disconnected perpetuates.

We are told what to do, just because that is what is expected of us, or because others do it and that has to be the solution because it works for them, rather than what WE want to do. Well-meaning advice pours in: “Meet people,” “Get a job,” “Get a hobby,” “Structure your day” “Do this,” “Do that,” “Distract yourself.” As a result, people spiral down further, because hey, we can’t even do basic stuff that is “expected?”

Do you see the problem in all of this “well-meaning” advice?

It’s the reason I move away from that stance for the most part because I do not see existential crisis as a mental illness to be treated. I see it instead as a call from within to (re)connect with ourselves.

“Be” first. “Love who you are.” “Get in touch with your own inner self rather than the outward.” “Dig deep into what makes you tick.” “Let’s explore what your raison d’etre is.” “Are you willing to dive into the unknown with me?” I prefer to offer these up.

And so, I again ask people to reflect on the question, “Why Am I?”

Not “Why am I here?” or “Why am I this way or that way?”

 Just, “Why Am I?”

And the answer lies in the fact that everyone has what the Japanese call “ikigai”- Their reason for being, what stirs us to wake up in every morning, our purpose, our meaning ascribed to life. Some have found theirs, while others are still searching for it. But this much is for sure…our ikigai lies within, latent maybe, but waiting to be unearthed on a journey of self-discovery of the body, mind, and soul.

You have to nudge people to consciously discover their life’s purpose, at their pace, in their time, by being by their side, sometimes tender, sometimes using tough love. You break barriers, help them get past obstacles and past ways of living, which often show up as ineffective coping mechanisms.

But most importantly, you tell people that they have one thing which no one can ever take away from them, and that is their free will. That they have a choice in the now, to live life the way they want to, based on what they value, to choose one’s attitude in whatever circumstances life brings them to, to choose one’s path and to be able to have the courage to stick to it, come what may, only if they B.E.L.I.E.V.E. In themselves, in life, and in knowing that they can always get back up even after a fall, and continue to move forward. Not necessarily on, but forward, only because there is always a choice we can exert.

After all, Nietzsche summed it up well, “He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.”

So, each of us, our own unique selves, however troubled we may be and however desperately we may want to give up on life, just because it has no “meaning,” must be aware of one thing. In asking, “what meaning does my life have?” we are doing ourselves a huge disservice. We are the ones asking this question and life owes us nothing; it is life that questions us, unfolds in front of us, and is asking us what we make of it. And only we can answer this question, by taking charge of ourselves, by being responsible, by finding our own ikigai. To begin with, we need to stop being obsessed about doing, and give a lot more attention to being.

How, you may ask? Look out for next week’s post. 😊