Every year, as January approaches, I catch myself in a reflective, introspective mood. What was the year like, what did I learn, what did I lose, what am I grateful for, what could I look forward to as the new year rolls by? I watch Buddy, sleeping next to me, occasionally opening his eyes and pawing me to gently stroke his neck. I smile, overwhelmed with gratitude for how he has been my constant companion this past year, probably another one of those “bone crushing” tough years. A slightly poignant but realistic thought fleeted through my mind. “Loving someone with all my heart knowing they may or will leave has been one of the toughest lessons.”
Over the years, as the heart learnt to love deeply and to bear loss even more gravely, I realized that love is, at its core, an act of bravery. To love is to open ourselves to the possibility of joy, connection, and vulnerability—knowing, deep down, that nothing in life is permanent. Relationships evolve, moments fade, and even the most profound bonds can shift or end. Yet, it’s precisely this impermanence that makes love so powerful and transformative. When we love with the awareness that all things are fleeting, we experience life in its rawest, most beautiful form. I am beginning to make way for this realization as life continues to reveal itself to me.
And so, this understanding can be both heartbreaking and liberating, and it is within this tense push and pull—between holding on and letting go—that we discover some of life’s most poignant lessons. Here’s my attempt to bring those to the fore, which will help me make informed choices and navigate challenges moving forward:
The Courage to Let Go:
We often love with the hope that it will last forever, tethering our hearts to the idea of permanence. But life rarely abides by such wishes. When we embrace ephemerality, we learn that love doesn’t need to be bound to eternity to be meaningful. Instead, it teaches us:
— To let go gracefully and to find strength in vulnerability: Impermanence is not an invitation to detach ourselves from love, and appear unapproachable or guarded, but a call to release our grip on what we cannot control. It’s about loosening the chains of fear that make us cling so desperately to what we hold dear, knowing that one day we will be faced with loss, and we will need to brace for it. Knowing that everything is fleeting makes the act of loving even braver.
It’s a choice to keep the heart open, to risk the pain of loss for the beauty of connection, even if it is short lived. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting or moving on without care. It means loving fiercely in the now, even as we prepare to release when the time comes. When my mother fell ill in 2018 she would keep telling me to not be so attached to her because she worried that I would be devastated at her passing. I was. And while my heart ached in her physical absence, I soon saw merit in the lesson she was trying to teach me. Because more loss was going to come my way.
Gratitude in the Moment:
The fragility of love, its transience, teaches us to treasure what we have while we have it. Each moment becomes a gift that you savor, each interaction a miracle & a beautiful memory. This awareness fosters gratitude, not just as a passing sentiment but as a way of being:
— For the ordinary moments: A movie with Dad, the laughter of a friend over coffee, or Buddy coming by to greet me at the door everyday when I return from work—all are so precious to me because I know they will not last forever. When we stop expecting permanence, we begin to see the sacredness of even the briefest connection—a shared smile, a kind word, a warm touch.
— For love itself: Even relationships that end or falter leave behind echoes of beauty and lessons that shape us. There’s a certain tenderness in knowing that every “I love you,” every goodbye, every shared glance, carries a weight that is magnified by its impermanence. We celebrate every stage of love, whether it’s the heady rush of new romance, the quiet comfort of companionship, or the bittersweet process of parting ways, each phase holds its own beauty. This is all I can say about this for now, but maybe I will write a book on this one day 😊
This gratitude transforms how we live. It invites us to soak in it, to notice, and to truly be present, knowing that each moment is irreplaceable.
The Pain and Power of Loss:
When you love, you will lose. It’s a truth that can feel unbearable and we may not be ready to face it yet. Whether it’s the end of a relationship, the passing of a loved one, or the natural drifting apart that time brings. Loss cuts deeply. But impermanence also shows us that:
— Grief is a measure of love: The pain of losing someone is a reflection of how deeply they touched our lives. This pain, while heavy, is a testament to the beauty of what we shared. And it’s upto us to carry it forever in our heart.
— Endings do not erase beginnings: The fact that something ends doesn’t negate its existence or its impact. The love we give and receive stays with us, even as the form of the relationship changes.
— We can endure: Each loss teaches us that we are stronger than we imagined, capable of rebuilding, and, ultimately, of loving again. While it may not be as easy as I am making it sound, and one is faced with sadness, doubt, anxiety, grief, anger, and an array of emotions, but if we choose to be resilient, we will find love again, for ourselves, and for someone else.
Growth Through Transience:
While impermanence reminds us that everything changes, it also reveals a paradox: the impact of love is eternal. The people we love, the moments we share, the lessons we learn—these things become part of us, shaping our souls in ways that time cannot erase. One of the biggest lessons I seem to be teaching people is to make space for uncertainty, unpredictability, and to drop the struggle of trying to control what is beyond our reach. Love falls within this realm too, because we are acutely aware that there will be a time when we will need to embrace the potential loss of it as well. This acceptance fosters:
— Resilience & Wisdom: Life’s challenges and changes may bend us, but they don’t break us. We bounce right back. Each ending becomes a beginning, each loss a lesson. The lessons lead us to discoveries where over time, we learn that impermanence is not a curse but a gift, one that teaches us what truly matters.
— Self-discovery: In the spaces where love fades or shifts, we find ourselves—our strength, our capacity for compassion, and our ability to start anew. This growth in no way erases the pain of impermanence but shifts something else within us, shaping us into who we are, resolute, brave and determined.
— Embracing change with tenderness: When love transforms—when a partner grows into a friend or a child becomes an adult—we can honor the evolution instead of mourning what was. The impermanence of love doesn’t diminish its value; it amplifies it, reminding us to be fully present for the time we are given…
It’s a cold December morning as I finish writing this piece. Buddy is eyeing the couch I am sitting on, one which he has laid claim on for the past few months. He nudges me, with a toy in his mouth, asking me to play with him, a moment that lasts for a few minutes before he comfortably flops himself at my feet, with his heart feeling content, having engaged with his human. I smile, as I start to set my laptop aside to pay attention to him…But wait, before I go, here’s one more thing I wanted to say to you:
Loving with the awareness of impermanence is not about holding back—it’s about diving in fully, knowing that it is this very impermanence that makes it so achingly, heartbreakingly, and breathtakingly beautiful. So, let us love fiercely, tenderly, and completely, for in embracing impermanence, we finally learn what it means to truly love, leading us to a self-discovery that has been uncharted thus far.