“What is there to hope for, to look forward to when I am surrounded with so much misery, pain, and suffering?” She asked me, and I, as her psychotherapist had to help her navigate that question.

You may be one of us, who have lost loved ones, or known of people who have lost someone precious to Covid-19, the illness that has ravaged the world, and has India in its vice like grip since the past three weeks and counting. It’s relentless and savage, and is costing us a lot more than we ever imagined. We are experiencing a range of emotions from anger, sadness, anxiety, grief, frustration, helplessness, and yes, hopelessness, in times like these.

From frantic searching for beds in hospitals, to dealing with the acute shortages of life saving medical supplies, to the lack of space, privacy and time to conduct cremations, to dealing with grief as losses hit closer home, with some family members being in different countries who can’t even fly to India to pay their respects one last time. How gut wrenching is this? Really, it is a legitimate question: Is there a silver lining, something to hold on to?

I return to the question asked of me. “What is there to hope for?” A concept I had initially observed, and then researched, and attempted to instil as a rehabilitation psychologist in my sessions with people with spinal cord injuries, and which has been one of the bedrocks of my therapy work till today.

Is hope just another word from the pop psychology realm? A false “feel good” emotion that may not have lasting effects and may bring us crashing down when another rough wave comes?

On the contrary, if you truly see its virtue, hope can be like that lighthouse that brings ships home, even in the most turbulent of seas. When we are surrounded by grim scenarios, grief, suffering, and gloom, hope is that panacea that makes a person balance their present reality, however distressing it may be, with better expectations and outcomes in their days to come, however painstakingly long and evasive it may seem. One persists, and prods and uses hope as a crucial coping mechanism in the face of unrelenting crises, to somehow keep finding the motivation to achieve what is meaningful for them, to salvage a situation, or to keep fighting for a better tomorrow, for themselves and/or their loved ones.

Here are my suggestions on how to bring about hope in your everyday living, as India and the world unite against a deadly virus.

1. It is a natural response to experience anxiety, panic, confusion, numbness, inability to focus and problem solve when a crisis hits. When your mind gets stuck in this state, it triggers off a chain reaction. Fear and panic start to narrow your field of vision and cloud your attention, and it becomes harder to access your internal resources, to see the bigger picture, and what needs to be done to take charge. Please focus on calming and clearing your mind, on regulating your emotions and centering yourself using whatever means have worked for you previously. Mindfulness meditations, breathing exercises, a time out, exercise or any physical activity, journaling, talking to someone and finding a support system are highly recommended, in addition to any techniques that you may have tried before. To be able to tackle a situation at hand, you need to mobilize yourself towards problem solving mode while simultaneously working on reining your emotions in.
   

2. Hope is in reality a motivational state, which involves the interplay between goal directed energy, also known as your sense of personal agency, and the pathways you chalk out to meet those goals. I have known of people who have offered necessary support to their loved ones who are quarantined at home and are living at a distance. From identifying delivery of food and medical supplies as goals, to devising ways and means to accomplish those goals (dropping off at doorsteps, delivery services, identifying doctors to consult etc.), as well as working through obstacles to make sure the said goals are met, people have been working round the clock. Resident Welfare Organizations (RWAs) have stepped in to procure medical supplies and oxygen concentrators for their severely afflicted residents, who are being managed by doctors who live in that neighborhood. People have formed helplines and phone trees to enable quicker access to hospitals. A hope for recovery and survival is what directed their energy and made them spring into action. Identify your goals, energize yourself to meet those goals and find ways to get there, for yourself and your loved ones.
   

3. Take charge of some key aspects of your lives as you go through this phase of helping others and reeling under the impact of the pandemic. It will enable you to have some semblance of control, and a feeling of “normalcy”, and autonomy as well. People have struggled to keep up with work, academic, and home routines as they are constantly pulled into several directions of either helping someone, or feeling helpless at the losses they hear about. Cut yourself some slack, be self-compassionate, but take charge wherever you can.  I would highly emphasize kicking in a self-care toolkit that enables you to enhance your sense of well-being across all domains (spiritual, emotional, physical as priority), finding your focus to take charge of work, and also restricting the excessive inflow of news and updates from social media. I am not asking you to avoid facing reality of what’s happening around, but if you are one who is on all possible social media networks, check if it is making you more anxious, depressed, frustrated, and hopeless. And if the answer is yes, then you need to do something about it.
   

4. Grieve your losses if you have experienced them directly or indirectly. It’s OK to cry, to express your anger, to make space for your heavy heart and the bereavement you may be experiencing. Everyone has their own way of feeling the impact of grief. Please don’t suppress it or put it on the back burner or resist feeling them. Emotions need to be worked through because sooner or later they may come up in insidious ways and impact you psychologically. And to bounce back, to be resilient, and to enhance your ability to manage things, grief must get its due.

5. Build your psychological resilience. In challenging times, managing our minds that increases our ability to keep surfing turbulent waves becomes crucial so that we are able to take charge of the crisis at hand. My first question to myself when a crisis hits is: “What can I do to tackle this problem?” It then trickles down to: “Is there something that needs committed action? And if the situation can’t be changed, can I accept what’s beyond my control and take charge of what is?” The struggling medical infrastructure in Delhi especially is beyond anyone’s control at this point. Can I still provide solace and comfort to those who are caught in the grip of it? Can I make space for the grief and helplessness that comes by and let it ease through my mind and body? Can I still bring myself up to providing support as much as I can? All these factors are in my control and I choose to take charge of them.
   

6. Extend compassion to others. We are all overstretched, burnt out, and tired. We are unable to meet our loved ones because of lockdowns in place. But see if you can reach out to people more virtually, with the intention of being compassionate. Ask yourself, “How can I help this person to have a better day?” It could just be to share their burdens, to listen empathetically, to stand next to them in solidarity, to just say you care. Now is the time when we need each other the most. Be the beacon of hope for others by being there. People recognize the efforts we make for them even if they don’t have the desired outcome because the situation is beyond our control. You may also find yourself looking for comfort and solace from people who may be overworked, responding to the needs of the pandemic, or taking care of their own crises, and who may not be there for you physically. They could use some empathy and compassion too. They may want to be there, but they also are tied down by limits on their time and psychological & physical resources.

7. Ask yourself how you are coping with the crises that are affecting you? Maladaptive/ineffective coping looks like this: “Why me?” “Life always treats me badly.” “I have no clue how to deal with this.” “There is nothing I can do.” “The system is to blame.” “I must be strong at all times.”

   Adaptive coping makes you take on responsibility and look for options. You try to take charge of the situation and your emotions as much as possible. It looks like this: “What can I do to make things better?” “What have I learned in the past that will help me get through this?” “How do I want to be in this situation?” What can I do to take care of my own needs in this situation?” “What should I invest my energy in and what should I not?” “If there is nothing I can do, what can I do?”

   We all differ in the ways in which we deal with challenging life events. What stands in front of us today is a common force that we have to contend with. While some of us may give up and experience intense, chronic distress, others persist and face life’s biggest challenges with hope and resilience. The mind expands, our eyes open to what stands in front of us, we acknowledge the crisis, we calm our fears down, and we see possibilities for ourselves and others which may bring us a ray of hope even through the darkest clouds.
   

   However stormy the skies may be, a rainbow emerges as a prism that disperses iridescent light in several directions. It manages to lift our spirits and makes us marvel at the possibilities that emerge. Hope is the same – our mind’s very own personal rainbow.
   
   And so, I urge you to choose hope. Every time. Now. And in the future. Despite the odds.