Life often moves so fast that we forget to pause and reflect. We focus on what’s missing, what’s unfair, or what’s causing pain. But what if, instead of searching outward for answers, we looked within? What if we took a moment to recognize the quiet ways life has supported us, the moments we’ve given to others, and yes, even the ways we’ve unknowingly caused hurt?

This is the heart of Naikan reflection, a practice that asks us to look inward, not with judgment, but with humility and love.

The Three Questions That Change Everything

Naikan, which means "looking within," was developed in Japan by Ishin Yoshimoto in the 1940s. It’s a deceptively simple practice based on three powerful questions:

1. What have I received from this person?

2. What have I given to this person?

3. What trouble or pain have I caused this person?

At first glance, these questions may seem straightforward. But as you sit with them, they have a way of unraveling layers of your heart. They reveal the unspoken gifts you’ve received, the quiet efforts you’ve made, and the moments you wish you’d handled differently.

What Have I Received?

When was the last time you thought about the countless ways others care for you—ways so small they often go unnoticed? The warm water in your shower, the food on your plate, your partner who paid you a compliment, or the person who smiled at you during a tough day?

Naikan gently reminds us that even in our hardest moments, we’ve been held by life in ways we may not always see. It’s in that meal someone cooked for you when you were tired. It’s in the kind word from a stranger, the love from a family member, or even the light in the morning after a dark night.

When we pause to notice these gifts, something shifts. Gratitude rises, not as an obligation but as a natural response to the love and effort we’ve been given.

What Have I Given?

The second question brings us face-to-face with how we’ve contributed to the lives of others. It’s easy to think we haven’t done enough or that our efforts don’t matter. But Naikan invites us to see the beauty in the small things we do every day—a smile, a kind word, a helping hand.

You might find yourself realizing that your quiet acts of love and care ripple out farther than you know. Even something as simple as holding a door open for someone could brighten their day, or just being mindfully present for a loved one, as they pour their heart out to you. This reflection fills you with a sense of purpose and connection, reminding you that you do make a difference.

What Trouble Have I Caused?

The third question is perhaps the most challenging. It asks us to look honestly at the moments where we’ve caused difficulty or pain. Maybe we were short with someone, overlooked their needs, or took their efforts for granted.

This isn’t about guilt or shame. It’s about recognizing our humanity—the good, the bad, and everything in between. It’s about seeing how we’re all imperfect and learning to grow from that awareness.

Sometimes, this question can bring tears. It reminds us of our impact on others and the moments we wish we could take back. But it also opens the door to compassion—not just for others, but for ourselves.

The Healing Power of Naikan

Naikan reflection has been shown to help people heal, grow, and find peace. It’s used to address everything from addiction to broken relationships. But beyond that, it’s a tool for everyday life—a gentle way to reconnect with gratitude, humility, and the people who matter most.

Imagine sitting quietly for just 10 minutes, reflecting on these three questions about someone you love. Perhaps it’s a parent, a partner, or even yourself. What might you discover?

You might feel gratitude for things you hadn’t noticed before, like a parent’s sacrifices or a friend’s quiet support. You might feel proud of the ways you’ve shown up, even when life was hard. And you might feel a renewed sense of purpose to show more love, give more freely, and live with more intention.

An Invitation to Look Within

Today, I invite you to try this practice. Take a deep breath, find a quiet space, and ask yourself:

1. What have I received today?

2. What have I given today?

3. What trouble have I caused today?

You don’t need perfect answers. Just let your heart speak.

As you reflect, you might find tears, smiles, or moments of clarity. You might feel a sense of peace or a desire to do better tomorrow. And in that, you’ll discover the magic of Naikan—not as a task, but as a gift to yourself and the people you love.

In the stillness of reflection, you’ll see the threads of connection that bind us all. You’ll feel the gratitude that lives in the quiet corners of your life. And you’ll realize that even in your imperfections, you are enough.

So, look within. There’s so much beauty waiting to be found.